C'est moi

Choosing Happiness: A How-To Article

I believe that happiness is partially a choice. Of course there are many understandable reasons that could cause someone to be unhappy without their choosing, I recognize that sometimes life does suck. Often times our loved ones pass, disease strikes, people are abused, or we are psychologically depressed. But I do think some positive thinking and acting can help change anyone’s outlook to a certain degree.

Step One: Being Consciously and Continuously Grateful

This sounds obvious, but focus on the positives. I like to make a list of ten or so things that I am thankful for each week. I find that on weeks when I remember, I am much happier during the week. Try writing these on a white board, a taped up piece of paper, or on your mirror. Put your list where you can see and be reminded of these things daily. As Americans we live in an overall wealthy nation, and we have much to be thankful for. Your list could include anything from the necessities of life, to something that went well for you recently.

Sample List

I’m Thankful for…

1. A place to live and daily meals to eat.

2. A loving family.

3. Amazing friends!

3. A job and means of financial assistance.

4. An education.

5. My brother finding a job!

6. Passing my biology test with an A!

7. Making new friends this month.

8. Being accepted into my study abroad program.

9. New clothes.

10. A chance to make a difference in other peoples’ lives.

My list is not necessarily in order of most to least important, just as they came to me. If you cannot think of ten things, try to think of even five. Remembering that these things are important and valuable to you can help you see life as a blessing. Focusing and seeing these things on a daily basis can help improve your outlook.

Step Two: Positive Influences

Put yourself in good situations. If being around certain people makes you unhappy there is nothing wrong with choosing to not be around those people. This doesn’t mean running away from those people or being rude to them. It simply means choosing not to spend unnecessary time with them. There are some situations where the grief in your life may be coming from a family member and you are unable to avoid contact with this person. That is okay! Just try and spend time with other people who bring you up as well! It is true that you are greatly influenced by those around you. So when you can help it, choose to be around other positive people and people who are kind and caring and will not bring you down.

Step Three: Optimistic Words

Begin trying to notice how you talk to others. Are you constantly complaining about your day? Or are you uplifting others? The fact is, not only do other people influence you, but your own words influence how you feel too. Try and make a substantial effort to talk positively. When someone asks about your day, reply with one positive thing that happened instead of a negative.

For example: “Oh, I am doing well! Thank you for asking! In fact, I passed my geography test this week!”

Speaking these positives aloud helps you to process the positive things in your life and to really be aware of them.

Step Four: Caring for Others

During each week, concentrate on caring for others. This is a good strategy for many reasons. First off, caring for others during the week will help you to understand other peoples’ lives, in turn helping you become more aware of things to be grateful for. Secondly, it will help you make some good friends. People notice when you really take the time to care about what they are saying to you. And those who care back will begin to take notice of this behavior, perhaps subconsciously, perhaps consciously. Either way a friendship like this will become a positive relationship in your life. A lasting friendship between two people who take time to genuinely care about each others’ lives is invaluable. You can begin with simple conversations. For example, making sure to ask other people about their day and showing interest in their responses. As well as, remembering events that matter in their lives and sending them a positive message on those days.

Example: Sending a text on the day of their test saying, “Good luck on your test today Anne!” or “Wishing your father well on his surgery, let me know how it goes.” Or even something as simple as “Happy birthday!” on their birthday.

Caring for others and showing them that you really care is important in building positive and healthy relationships.

Step Five: Allowing for Expression

Take time during your week to express your feelings. Whether these be positive OR negative. Thinking positively does not consist of ignoring the negative emotions entirely. In fact, that is one of the worst things you can do! If you have someone you can trust with your inner emotions, or even just to vent to, go to that person. If not, find another form of expression. It could be a physical expression of emotion like running or playing sports, for me it is dancing. It could also be an creative outlet, like painting or writing. It could even be something like playing a game and relieving tension through something you enjoy. The point is, having an outlet to expression can really help your week. Holding in emotions and expressions is a self-harmful behavior.

Along with expressing your emotions, be sure to express the positive ones too! This may be through the same outlet, or it may not be. One important thing to remember is to express positive emotions to others. For example, telling a friend how much you appreciate their friendship or their help in a situation helps you to realize how much you really are thankful. Another way to positively express yourself to others is to give compliments. Telling someone that their hair looks nice that day, or taking the time to notice their new necklace or watch can not only improve that person’s day, but your own as well! You will find that the more positively you act and speak to others, the more positively they will act and speak to you.

Step Six: Using your Endorphins to your advantage!

Endorphins are the so-called “happy chemicals” that your brain releases to tell you to feel happier. Without a doubt, remember to smile! Smiling causes the release of these important endorphins. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, but it really does help! Laughing is another key way to release endorphins. If you are having a “blah” day try putting in a comedy movie or hanging around your friends who make you laugh. Exercise is another important way to release endorphins. Regular exercising, even if only once a week, can help you to stay happier during the week!

In conclusion:

The most important thing to remember from all of this is that these steps will not fix the underlying problems causing your unhappiness. If you are in a serious situation, seek help. It is important to always work out your life problems as best as you can, rather than pushing them aside. Communication is often the biggest problem and you’ll find that simple conversations between people can help eliminate many problems. The steps I listed are simply ways to help obtain a more optimistic prospective, not a band-aid or cover up for your problems. But they can be very useful. These day to day practices can help you become a more positive person. I hope that these steps will help you become more optimistic! :)

Quelque chose je veux dire

A mon avis, d’être francophile aux Etats-Unis, c’est difficile. Je me demandais pourquoi depuis longtemps. La raison, je l’ai decouvert. Cela c’est à cause des attitudes ici. On pense que les Français ne sont pas gentils aux Américains. Mais, pourquoi on y pense? Si on n’a ni voyagé en France, ni essayé jamais d’apprendre de la culture, c’est impossible de dire que les Français ne nous aiment pas! Alors, avant de décidé qu’on n’aime pas un pays, il faut  apprendre, n’est-ce pas ? C’est tout.

Merci.

Sarkozy et Borloo seront ensemble à Valenciennes vendredi

Not a single day goes by when I don’t think of my best friend. What he meant to me, what he still means. You never think something like that would happen to you, to your best friend. To someone else maybe, someone you don’t know all that well. And when it happens, it’s undoubtedly the worst shock you’ve ever suffered. Although I’m not in a constant state of deep depression anymore, I find myself crying on days like this. Perfectly ordinary days when I think to myself that I have to tell him something that happened, or I see or hear about something he would like.

To my best friend,

I’m sorry I haven’t written to you in my journal much lately. Sometimes it’s just too hard to do. And I know that’s completely and utterly selfish of me. Not to talk to you just because it hurts. And so I’m here at work, writing to you. I’ll put this in the journal later.

I never even bought your bean bag couch, so you could stay in the dorm with me. I never had the chance. I wish you could stay with me, and meet all my friends. You’d love them all. They’re all the nerdy types of friends we always shared. The kind of people we could watch Glee with and act entirely stupid with, without fear of judgment. Of course they would love you too. I’ve never known someone who hasn’t. You’re hilarious! And your love of people shows in all that you’ve done.

You would love my roommate. You’d instantly crush on her like you do every single pretty girl you meet. And I’d laugh at you and tease you for it. She told me yesterday she knows that you two would have fun together and laugh until you peed. I know that’s true. If you were here, maybe I’d ask you for advice on my relationship/boy issues, and you’d give me the best advice you possibly could. You’d defend me from being hurt and not let me make some of same stupid decisions that I always do. You’d tell me how pretty I look and I would play with your curls. Maybe we would watch Adventure Time and order a pizza. Of course I would pay, and no I wouldn’t complain. I never ever cared spending money on you, because the time we shared was more than priceless. Maybe we would try and throw a “party” and no one would come and so instead we would fall asleep. Or maybe we would go to the Carlstedt’s house and stay up all night singing with everyone at the piano, doing renditions of RENT songs. We would drink Ale-8’s and talk about the casting of the newest play. Sit around Lindsey’s table for hours or jump on her trampoline until we are so exhausted that we crash somewhere on her floor. You’d tell me how whatever girl hurt you and about your newest crushes on all the red heads at school. Or maybe you would come over on a summer and we would walk through downtown Wilmore and sit on top of the Ale-8 machine. Or my mom would make us snacks and we would just talk about nothing for hours. We would sit around the house and you would tell me you think it’s adorable when I wear really long socks with shorts. John might come over and we would maybe make a song on the computer or sit outside on the deck. Or maybe you would call me and ask about school and we would talk on the phone for hours and we would get confused just answering the phone (hello? What? Who IS this? HUH? WHAT’S GOING ON?… we are so silly).

I wish I could hug you again. You don’t know how much I miss your long hugs. And the way you tell me you love me. And texting you nonsense for hours. Last time I was at your house with your mom, I looked at our last texts in your phone. A bunch of nonsense to anyone else but hilarious stuff to us. Back and forth of schpink, schmink, schwink, stupid words that rhyme. Why is that so funny? Because it’s stupid and it isn’t funny at all. And so that makes it funny to us.

I hope you know how much I miss you everyday and I hope you miss me too. I’m sure you’re having a blast in heaven, dancing around in your chucks or maybe your “snow shoes” and singing in the chorus with the angels. They’re blessed to have your Billy Joel voice! It’s like in NY when they thought you were a professional singer! I hope I dream of you again soon, and you’ll hug me and tell me that it’s okay that you’re gone. I really need that. It’s really awful that you’re gone and I know that’s selfish and you’re happier now, I just missing having you around every day. No one will EVER replace you as a best friend to me like you were and still are. I love you so much Bryce.

Love,

your best friend forever.

One perfect night.

Its remnants echo loudly in my mind. The night you came to see me. We stayed up all night long, talking and laughing. Being continually shocked at how much we really have in common. I have never felt so alive, so extremely ecstatic as I did that night. With you, I am completely and utterly free. We went to breakfast at five that morning. We drank coffee, of course we ordered the exact same kind. Then you walked me to my car and I drove to work. And just like that it was over. And even though you kissed me and told me you wanted to be with me that night, it was the last night we shared together. You went back to her. Her, still unknowing of how much time we ever really spent together and how much we cared for one another. You couldn’t leave her feeling abandoned in her time of desperation you said.

It’s strange how the moment I first saw you I had this strange feeling, this connection with you. I just knew. You were the one. I still have hope, that one day our paths will bring us back together. When we are both available, and both able to love each other perfectly. And until then, I cling tightly to our night in my mind. But for now, all I have, all I have left of you, is the memory of that perfect night. Tangible proof to me, that you and I really belong to one another.